i feel like i'm gonna collapse. it's 1:15 am. in 15 minutes i have to go to the all night rite aid in timonium, MD to get antibiotics for oscar. we've been on tour 2 weeks and i just want to go home. shhh, though, it's a secret. we were basically in new york state for 2 weeks. brief forays into canada and massachusetts didn't quite work to make me feel like i was actually on tour. and then osc got involuluntarily moshed into a wall in buffalo and bent his rib. here we are a week and two emergency room trips later and he has bronchitis. not that things were going so well for me before all that. i can't get over the feeling that i hate everyone (with a few exceptions) and that i will at some point need to slaughter them all. ok that's really extreme and not quite true. but i'm just so sick of everyone and their stupid personality 'quirks'. i'm tired of trying to keep everyone's interests in mind. i'm tired of taking forever to load the van and forever to set up and forever to take our shit down and forever in between songs. my brain is totally fried from the past 4 days or so and it wasn't in good shape before that. i'm not even sure how to recover. i just want to go home and cuddle with my teddy bear and watch highlander and eat brownies and grilled cheese and maybe get my bike fixed and drink hot cocoa and paint stuff black and red and silver. i feel like i haven't seen any of my friends in ages. i can't get the motivation to write letters or even email and i can't call anyone. i haven't even spoken to jasmine since like the day after we left for tour and i know i'm an asshole because of it since we left her to find a new roommate and pay the rent and everything. i should call her. but of course i think this now at 1:23 when i can then think, no, it's too late. and then maybe i'll think of it again when it's 'too early' but while it's an ok time to call, i won't think of it.
i keep thinking of stuff i want to post here but then i don't have the motivation to write it down. the van is so cramped it's just so hard to want to do anything. did i mention that we were in the emergency room waiting room for 5 hours today? no joke. that is so totally not ok. my mom, who i called like 5 times today, i am so not an adult, told me she knew someone who died when their apendix burst while they were waiting too long in an emergency room. what the fuck? in nyc i've never waited more than an hour. and hell, one time i was there, this kid had gotten shot and it was showing on the fucking news, in the waiting room, and he was being rushed to the hospital i was at and still there was little delay in our care. yet another reason maybe i shouldn't think about moving all the time.
well, it's finally time to go to the fucking rite aid. yes, that's right. FUCKING rite aid. we went there 2.5 hours ago and they were like, 'there is a 2.5 hour delay'. so now it's 1:30 and i have to drive in a strange state to a strange town to get fucking antibiotics because the fucking emergency room visit wasn't done until it was too late to go to any normal houred pharmacy. grrrr. angry, irritable alison is coming back in full effect. watch out world!
