so meg says it's spiders, not bed bugs. she's got a bite too, just one, and she says it's definitely a spider bite. bed bugs come in when it's warm out, not when it gets cold, she says. but this is when the bed bug fiasco began last year. was it spiders then? I don't know. that was the first time i'd ever gotten bug bites in bed besides when i knew it was mosquitoes or fleas. i hate not knowing. why do spiders freak me out less than bed bugs? i don't know. but i'm not convinced.
-al
9.27.2002
the world is ending much more quickly than i had realised
that's the headline on the aol welcome page. i'm not saying it's, ahem, not news. but, you know, how about something about the 500 arrested protesters in dc? that's a lot of people. how many protesters weren't arrested? maybe aol could address why these people were protesting instead of posting fluffy reuters articles about mr. hussein. yesterday the headline was about a teen sex survey, the only apparently important information being that most kids give up their cherry in a parents house at night. oooo. it didn't even report whether kids were having safe sex, it didn't report how much they knew about sexual health (probably more than the editors at aol) etc. we're just supposed to all freak out that kids are having sex while their parents are home.
i know, it's aol. what do i expect? who really gets their news from aol anyway? me, i guess. i mean, the protests are on cnn.com.
anyway, some woman has been (apparently unsuccessfully) trying to steal children in my hometown. this article mentions it, but in the context of kidnappings in other communities. according to my mother (if she is to be believed) the same woman has approached other children in her car. here's another article. i know this is really what you want to read all about.
you should probably go read about the protests.
-al
and so it begins...again
i have bug bites all over my legs. 8 or 9 in total. and i haven't been outside in 2 days. i would really love to believe they were mosquitoes. but instead, at 7 this morning I went out to sleep on the couch. I let monsters, inc play through twice while i was sleeping so i'd be distracted from thoughts of bed bugs when i was awake. but i kept waking up unable to hear the movie because the music from downstairs just kept getting louder and louder. i feel so helpless. it's not that i mind the music, but it's out of my control. as are, i feel, the bedbugs, if there are any. what can i do? i got a new fucking bed! last time. i've been sitting on the couch, trying to figure out what to do about it, trying to figure out how to not let it bother me. and so far i've come up with nothing. check my email. read about the protests in dc (yeah, that all makes me feel really good). fuck.
-al
9.26.2002
your title here
my breasts are really full today, so i suppose my period is just around the corner. so i checked my menstrual calendar and what did i find? i once again forgot to dot the day i got my last period. d'oh!
in good if irrelevant news, i finally finished conker's bad fur day! i got the game 2 summers ago now and i took a long hiatus from it because the war imagery was unpleasant at the time (i think we all know what happened there) and well, finally i got through it! woo! i still haven't watched the final cut scene. i'm waiting for osc to get back. i don't know what to do with myself now. oh, i guess i could get a job.
in totally other news, the fucking strokes like mr. show! either that or they know that it's 'hip' and have decided to bank in on it. they've titled their tour the 'wyckyd sceptre' tour. or maybe this is their way of telling us they all give eachother blowjobs but think 'fags' are 'sick'. who knows. what i do know is that i totally ripped off mr show first when i titled a tour the '500th summer olympicad' so fucking there. not to mention it is way cooler for me to rip off a non music/band related sketch. um, yeah. i'm so not insecure. right? right?
-al
9.19.2002
spin me right round baby
i just saw the new show, do over. shows like that are so bad for me to watch because they spurn a 'what if that happened to me what would i do' session that feeds my nostalgia problem. i have soo many regrets. i know, no regrets. but man, the things i would do differently if i knew then..... now that the 80's are 'in' i wish they'd bring back freaks and geeks. that was a good show. something i noticed in do over is that the main character is seeing the 'pretty girl' liking him and i wonder what will happen with that. another time when the boy fucks around with the wrong girl(s) and then realises he's really in love with his best friend? i also noticed the whole show had a lightning fast practically unnecessary intro. this was a terribly written 'review'. sorry.
but mainly i'm still thinking about all the things i'd do differently if i got sent back to highschool for some reason. people i'd be nicer to. people i'd be much less nice to. i'd make my mom take me to the cool record store. i'd totally sneak out of my house at night. i'd probably totally fuck up my life. but then i think about all the things i'd want to maintain and i wonder if the changes i made would change those things, y'know? but boy do i want to change those things.
i also noticed that the show takes place in 2001/1981. he talks about the '20 years' and i was thinking about how this is kind of a way to get around 9-11. but then again, would anyone have really thought about it in such a frivolous show if they hadn't made the year not now? maybe they had some other reason for setting the show that way (maybe it was supposed to come out last year).
-al
9.13.2002
in the zone
so i'm cleaning my room! what do you know? ok, so why am i here posting? i'm waiting for the floor to dry. i mopped. i'm totally in the room cleaning zone. this is meaningless to some, meaningful to others but let's just say, finally.
-al
9.12.2002
i'm such a prude
it really bugs me when people say stuff like, 'it's better than sex!' as if sex is the ultimate in experience. lots of people don't enjoy sex anyway. but regardless of that, i just don't see why sex has to be this thing we're always comparing to. yes, going to a show where you have an emotional release is awesome. but why does it have to be better than sex? can't it just be different? can't it be what you want to do sometimes while sex is something you want to do other times? is chocolate better than sex? well, yes, if i feel like eating chocolate and not having sex. i could go on and on about how our culture constantly privileges sex while simultaneously shaming it, but i really don't have the time or energy. but i just get annoyed when the idea that sex is 'it', something we'd never have any legitimate reason (a pathology maybe, but nothing short of that) to turn down so that saying something is even better than that, that we would be even more insane to turn this other thing down is a compliment.
-al
9.10.2002
little pictures this is from only part of the song and totally from memory, so sorry if it's wrong
here's a little picture for your wallet and your mind
it's us when we were searching for the blue we could not find
us with padded pockets, dazzling futures and these unpolluted smiles
reality pushed back just by the thinkings of the latest styles
well i'm 19 and i'm catching myself living in the past
walls of wilted polaroids of friends that didn't last
and everything that seemed promising is common now i find
so here's a little picture for your wallet and your mind
just one of many pictures i must learn to leave behind
-john k. samson
-al
9.03.2002
fluff
i'm seeing this crap on mtv2, some interview with some band talking about how they've been a band since middle school. how they'd play bars and they'd have to wait outside until it was time to play. first of all, don't play those shows, dumbass! but anyway, "what did you guys write about back then". "oh, you know, our lives. that's what all young kids... actually, no, that was something i've never understood, there were kids who'd write about politics and i'm like, you're a kid, what do know about politics?" and what did this band know about life? "we'd write about highschool crushes, you know." yeah, that's awesome. you guys rock!
-al
if i lived here, i guess i'd post a lot more, eh?
when i was on tour a few weeks ago, i read Cunt by Inga Muscio and i was taking notes and had some criticisms of it. i still have them though i am now even more adamant about what is great about the book: it's available in the store. lots of the information in the book is totally repetitive, to me, someone who reads zines and talks to other people about stuff like menstruation. but i am not sure what's going on in the rest of culture. most people don't read zines or anything advocating alternative attitudes and ideas about our bodies. most people don't have access to these things and they are not encouraged to look for them. they are probably barely aware of such things, through no fault of their own. To some degree, i wish muscio had not named her book Cunt, because i think it will put people off. but then again, it shouldn't, and she should challenge the notion. for certain the distribution and advertising for cunt is way way better than for the zines i felt she was repeating and that is a good thing.
what is making me so angry at the moment is a show most people also don't have access to, but if they have access, they are more likely to know about it than about even cunt. it's called Berman and Berman: for women only and it's on the discovery health channel. this is the first time i've seen this show and i honestly only got to see part of it because after the first commercial break my mom came in and we started talking about it and yelling at the tv. but the first part was really enough. the topic was "that time of month" (decency forbid they say 'menstrual cyle' or 'bloody mucous week' or something.)
it's a talk show, sort of, with two sisters, one is a urologist, the other a sex therapist and according to the warnings after each commercial break, they talk "frankly" about issues of women's sexuality. these women appeared to know almost nothing about women's bodies and menstrual issues. no one mentioned 'toxic shock' when they talked about how long you can wear tampons. "wearing tampons for too long can increase your chance of infection." but they didn't say what was infecting you. and get this: what do the bermans think is too long? 12 hours!!
(this is unfinished, but i wanted to put the rest of this up. maybe someday i'll finish it.)
-al
surf city
so i guess i am writing a lot today.
my brother is getting married next march. which is a 'long time' from now but of course it has already become quite stressful. the thing about it is, they're doing things pretty traditionally. well, first, i need to give a rundown of the players. i have 3 brothers. one is already married, one is in a relationship he's been in for a while and for all i know they consider themselves married, and one is getting married in march.
so my sister in law, who is not the bride, says it's not actually a 'traditional' wedding, it's just a pain in the ass (of course, i'm sure lots of people thought her wedding was a pain in the ass, but that was long ago). anyway, my problem is that i am not very traditional, though i hadn't quite realised it until people started trying to or actually making me do things. what's going on now is that my mom and sister in law have sort of polarized against the bride and groom (though they definitely see it as more about the bride and her family) and they shittalk about it all th etime. and they keep putting me on their side. but it's really an enemy of my enemy is my friend sort of thing (i mean, it's not an enemy situation, it's just a metaphor).
for instance, the bride sent us bridesmaids a letter about what was going on with our dresses (which are all up in maine) and stuff. she talked about how we could get our hair and makeup done together and the theme of the prewedding is hawaiin so we can wear hawaiin shirts while we're "getting ready" (whatever that means) so we don't mess up our hair when we take off our shirts. my sister in law, tonight, was telling my mom, "i'm going to arrive there in my dress when they're ready to take photographs. i'm not wearing a hawaiin shirt." she went on to explain that she and i would get our hair done 'around here' (where my mom lives) and then go up there. she was also shittalking about how my brother wanted the boys to get ready at a hotel instead of at my mom's.
she talks like i'm on her team, which to some degree i am, except that i have no intention of 'doing my hair' or makeup. i never do either of these things. i could deal with the hair though i'm hoping by then i'll have a really short hairstyle i like (i've been working on this for a while). but i don't wear makeup. and it's such a little thing. they want me to shave my armpits too. also not a really big deal. but altogether it's really frustrating. i feel like being an inadvertent ally to my sister in law means i can't bring up my own issues. i don't know my family well enough to assert who i am. does that make any sense? or they don't know me i guess. i don't really know how to explain it. they would hate me forever if i 'ruined' their wedding but i don't feel like they care if i'm there. they just care that the groom's sister is there. y'know? i want to get into an argument with them, but it just doesn't happen. i never fight with them because i don't know them. it's like we have no interpersonal relationship. i guess i want to win the argument. but i at least want to say my peace. that i'm not just a weirdo with stupid ideas about how the world is fucked up. that there are legitimate reasons for me to not shave my armpits and wear makeup, that i'm not just rebellious or whatever the fuck they think.
but i can't fight with them. if i say something to my brother, he'll just be like, why, it doesn't matter. if i make a big deal out of it, if i try to argue with him i'll be the bad guy. i'll be the one being unreasonable. the irrational one making a big deal out of something that isn't one. i should be wearing makeup and shaving anyway, right? they're just making me look pretty. it would be far too much to ask that they adjust their beauty myth to fit their sister who they supposedly care so much about and want so much to be a part of their special day. i don't feel like they want me there, they just want a placeholder marked 'sister of the groom'.
-al
9.02.2002
it's gravity defyin'!
i found it!! i so found it! there are a few things i remember having seen that most people don't seem to remember. among these, beans baxter secret agent (or whatever) and the fox show matthew perry was on with the kid from back to the beach. but, i have since found people, (hey sergei) who have seen these shows. but there's been this one movie i saw that no one has ever heard of, and for a whiel i thought maybe i dreamt it. but today i found out what it was! the set up was that spitting is a professional sport. there's one guy who is the current champion and one up and comer who is training with him. a banquet is thrown for the champion and he burns his tongue on some tea. he's rushed to the hospital but his health quickly deteriorates and he dies, leaving the up and comer as the new champion. which is totally ridiculous and which is what i liked about it and why no one believed i'd really seen it. but, no i've found it. it was a short showtime film called the great o'grady and starred keith coogan as the up and comer. unfortunately, i can't find a copy of it anywhere or anything. oh well. still, at least i'm not crazy.
-al
writer's block
so i had plans to write a lot all day. for this even! i have a list of notes. but this is the first thing i'm writing. i haven't even eaten yet and it's like 3:30. go me. i'm so useless. what am i actually doing? watching dragonfly. it's super boring but i just read on imdb that it has a twist ending, which i'm hoping is approaching pretty soon. because i am actually really hungry and should probably eat. i'm at my parents' house, i forgot to mention that. my dad is eating chunks of roast beef as a snack. when i went vegetarian, he told me, 'make sure youget all your vitamins and everything.' ha. yeah, so, sorry so sloppy,
-al
